Theresa May’s 7p Breakfast Menu

bowl of cereal

When the Conservative party’s manifesto pledged to scrap free school meals in favour of free breakfasts in primary schools, they costed this at £60 million. Across 3.6 million schoolchildren in the UK, this works out at approximately 6.8p per child.

We at The Nopebook think this is a completely reasonable budget for a healthy and fulfilling breakfast for a growing child, and to give our pal Theresa a hand, we’ve put together a handy menu of 7p breakfast ideas…

14g, or approx. one tablespoon of Nutella

No need (and no budget) to spread it on anything, just dunk your finger straight in the jar. Fun!

Two dry white slices of toast

Both breakfast, and a remedy for tonsillitis!

52g, or approx. half a banana

You’re well on your way (well, you’re sort of beginning to get started on your way) to your five-a-day!

13g, or approx. one teaspoon of avocado

No toast – we don’t want those greedy millennials influencing the next generation! However will our children buy a house if we give them a taste for avocado toast?

36g, or one small bowl of plain cornflakes, no milk

Simplicity is best, we always say. Kids nowadays are all lactose intolerant anyway, right?

23g, or approx. half an egg

If you can scrounge the gas, you could even have your half egg scrambled. Such luxury!

82g, or approx. one and a quarter sausages

Again, you’ll probably need to hope for the goodwill of someone with a working stove to cook these, you’ve used up your 7p on the meat already…

26g, or an even smaller bowl of muesli, no milk

This one includes raisins, so has the bonus of replacing an expensive mid-morning fruit snack as well.

20g, or approx. half a pancake

No butter or maple syrup. You’re lucky we’re giving you desert for breakfast as it is.

As you can see, there’s really nothing to worry about if your child will be relying on a free school breakfast from the generous Conservative party. What they’ll do for lunch under a Tory government remains to be seen… but maybe they can always just have the one slice of toast for breakfast, or just a quarter of a banana. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins you know.

Prices taken from Prices are on supermarket brand breakfast items where available.

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