It’s biscuit week on Bake Off, and possibly the most difficult and demanding week two we’ve ever seen. Everything is about uniformity, and seemingly a gazillion different working parts.

This week’s episode opens with Sandi giving us a linguistics lesson on the origins of the word ‘biscuit’, while Noel scoffs a plateful of them and nods along like he’s actually listening. It’s still a bit weird hearing Noel talk so eagerly about the “flavoursome fillings” of biscuits, but I’m hoping to get over it sometime before the finale. His ‘on your marks, get set, BAKE’ is pretty on point though.

Signature Bake – Sandwich Biscuits

24 sandwich biscuits for the signature this week, which of course means 48 biscuits and 24 lots of filling, all baked to perfection and completely uniform… no problem! Out comes the baking paper meticulously marked in pencil, as childhoods spent learning to colour within the lines finally count for something.

The producers seem to have realised that this challenge is the least interesting of the three this week, and use this opportunity to cutaway to the contestants in their everyday lives, the best of which is shots of Flo out on the razz with her gal pals, drinking cocktails and dancing to ‘All About That Base’ by Meghan Trainor. You go Flo!

Lots of the bakers are going for an ‘adult’ theme for this challenge, with recipes incorporating various alcohols (not making biscuit erotica, sadly). Such talk of boozy bakes brings back memories of Mary, her eyes lighting up whenever somebody mentioned gin…

GBBO: Noel misinterprets the concept of a ‘sandwich biscuit’

Yan still has science on her side as she carefully weighs out not just her ingredients, but the dough and filling for each individual biscuit. Stacey’s chocolate and marshmallow sandwich biscuits are to be dusted with edible glitter, something Paul seems unsure of but I am very much here for. Flo proudly shows off her biscuit cutter for her ‘gin and jam butty’ biscuits (have I mentioned that I love her?) and the country decides to collectively adopt her. There’s a tense moment when one baker voices their concern about dropping any biscuits, followed by multiple shots of contestants balancing trays of precariously as they cross the tent and we all bite our fingernails.

During the judging, the “soft snap” that Liam was going for with his biscuits is more of a squish, but the flavour is good. Chris’ have the “concentration of a chocolate truffle” says Paul, as if that’s a bad thing. Prue sniffs that Flo’s gin jam butties don’t have enough gin in them, and we throw things at the screen because YOU’RE NOT OUR REAL GIN MOTHER, PRUE. Steven impresses with his almond and coffee biscuits, but Kate’s are so hard that Paul feels a little threatened. Stacey’s glittery marshmallow-filled sandwiches are a hit, and while Julia’s flavours are “a bit much” her biscuits have the most delightful wobble, due to the jelly filling.

Technical challenge – Fortune Cookies

With a cryptic (and, it turns out, counter-productive) tip of “DON’T FOLD under the pressure” from Paul, Noel reveals that the bakers are to make twelve fortune cookies, complete with handwritten fortunes… in two different flavours. I’m stressed and I’m only watching this from my sofa with a slice of salted caramel sponge.

Another classic Bake Off technical with contestants casting furtive glances around to check what everyone else is doing, although this week knowing what the person on the bench next to you is doing probably isn’t any help. There’s a lot of intense folding, Flo’s cookies are in pieces, Chris is begging for bread week, and Liam is sitting dejectedly on the floor. In a desperate attempt to try and motivate the bakers, Noel starts reading everyone’s hastily written fortunes back to them.

As the bakers bring their, um, ‘creations’ up to the gingham, Sandi’s voiceover declares that “Paul and Prue are expecting twelve crisp, uniform fortune cookies”. They are to be disappointed, I think.

Sophie’s fortunes about pooping candyfloss and getting bored of writing fortunes get a laugh, and her cookies get her into second place. Flo’s fortune reads “I’ve made a right mess of this”, which is sadly accurate, but in the end it’s Chris that comes in last for this challenge. Yan emerges triumphant as the winner, which is good, as she reveals that a family member told her to “come back number one in technical or don’t come back at all”.

Showstopper challenge – Biscuit Board Game

Noel declares this week’s showstopper challenge to be “some real Willy Wonka Stuff”, and he’s not wrong. Contestants must successfully bake a functioning biscuit board game, with delicately decorated playing pieces and a great tasting base… so not asking much, really. They could have tried to make it a bit more challenging… maybe they should have to bake their playable biscuit games whilst ice skating, and on fire?


Kate is making a Jumanji board game, although they don’t seem to be allowed to call it that in the diagrams, so it’s a ‘jungle themed board game’. Sadly there is no biscuit Robin Williams, though Yan is making a Bake Off themed board game of her own devising with biscuit versions of Noel and Sandi. Liam declares he is making over thirty playing pieces for his multi-game creation, but Steven quickly outdoes him with his gingerbread chess set that requires 100 individual biscuits.

GBBO: Nakey bakey Noel and Sandi

Tom commits the most heinous of Bake Off crimes and is not making his own fondant, and I half expect to see Mary Berry come charging across the lawn wielding a blunt instrument, or perhaps a partly drunk bottle of gin. Flo’s board base has broken, but she’s sealing it with her (HOME MADE, Tom) fondant so hopefully all will be well. As time runs out (with another comment on time not being real from Noel, thanks Noel) there’s a lot of frantic running, sprinkling, spreading and piping as the bakers finish off their creations.

Sophie is first to be judged on her snakes and ladders game, which Prue declares to be “very beautifully neat”. Tom’s is also neat, but too soft, and I am personally outraged that no one comments on his faux fondant. For shame, Paul. Yan’s biscuit versions of Noel and Sandi leave a little to be desired and Paul says her biscuit has been overworked. Flo’s operation game is “striking” but a bit messy, and Prue tells her she needn’t have made her own fondant… GET OUT, PRUE. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO STAND WHERE MARY STOOD.

Liam’s classroom game is looking a bit unfinished, but the biscuits are “absolutely delicious”. He and Paul have a quick game of noughts and crosses, which is the first time they’ve actually tested the playability of the contestant’s games. As he gets back to his station, he whispers from the corner of his mouth “I’m getting drunk tonight!” It’s been a stressful week.

GBBO: Prue and Paul contemplate giving up their ‘expert’ titles to Steven.

As Noel helps Steven over with his gingerbread chess board, it becomes evident that he’s created something quite terrifyingly impressive. Prue seems genuinely emotional over how excellent it is, so it’s no surprise that for the second week in a row, Steven walks away with the title of Star Baker. Sadly this week we say goodbye to Chris,

Next week, it’s bread, and is it really even worth watching if no one is going to create something as incredible as Paul’s bread lion from two years ago?

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