Trigger warning: This article contains mention of rape, sexual assault, and casual misogyny
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“Tattoos don’t happen around here. I mean, I know they do, but it’s not like, a regular occurrence, is it?”
Said no one, ever.
As a society, we all pretty much accept that a large percentage of our population have tattoos. 1 in 5, in fact.
The same percentage of women in the UK has also experienced some form of sexual violence in their life. Despite this, sexual violence is still treated as taboo; rare; something that happens to other women in other places.
This is largely because sexual violence isn’t spoken about very regularly. But, whether we want to think about it or not, rape and sexual violence are still very much a part of today’s society. And unlike tattoos, the marks that rape leaves behind aren’t always visible–but they are just as permanent.
This is why feminism is so important. To put it simply, rape happens because men are sexist. This isn’t to say that rape only happens to women. Of course it isn’t. But it is certainly an issue that impacts women far more frequently than men–so much so that 95% of the people helped by the charity Rape Crisis are women.
It also isn’t to say that all men are fundamentally misogynistic rapists. Quite the opposite, in fact. Most of the time in my life, I find myself surrounded by decent men who would – I hope – never sexually assault or attack a woman. The kind of men who, when girls they’ve taken home for the night pass out, make sure they’re safe and let them sleep it off.
Unfortunately, while these nice guys balk at the idea of raping or attacking a woman, they seem disinclined to call out their misogynistic peers. They laugh at rape jokes because, hey, it’s just banter with the lads.
“We need men on our side - actively, outspokenly on our side - to help us really make a difference in this world”
Recently, one of my male friends told me that his colleague had described a female co-worker as ‘gagging for it’. When I asked him if he’d called his colleague out, he said he just laughed it off.
This is not okay. When you laugh at rape jokes – when you refuse to call out sexist banter – you are implicitly condoning these distorted beliefs and validating the actions of these sexist pigs. You are agreeing that yes, she is gagging for it. You are creating an environment where rapists and attackers can justify their actions because hey, everyone agrees with them.
When even the ‘Good Guys’ implicitly agree with the rape jokes and the casual sexism and the outright misogyny, it sends a message to the ‘Bad Guys’ that it’s only oversensitive women that disapprove of this behavior. And if it’s only women that disagree with your actions, then why would you change them?
I can’t help but think that if we had a few more men in our corner calling bullshit and actively challenging the ‘locker room chat’ that happens when we aren’t around, that we might get a little further in this fight. We might take a little ground and make the world a safer place.
If the sexist predators of the world knew that their fellow men, whose opinion they hold in oh-so much higher regard than the opinion of a mere woman, disagree with their behavior, they might think twice about making that rape joke; about raping that woman. After all, they wouldn’t want to be cast out by the lads, would they?
We need men on our side–actively, outspokenly on our side–to help us really make a difference in this world
So men, next time your mates make a rape joke or objectify a woman in your presence, call them out. It might be uncomfortable, it might seem distinctly un-British, but the benefits to society are worth a few moments of awkwardness.
