Trigger warning: This article contains mention of rape and sexual assault.
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Rape is defined as: “unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.“
And yet the same word is often used in daily conversation to describe sports matches (‘Our team was raped’), social media account hacking (‘I’ve be fraped’), seeing things that can’t be unseen (‘My eyes were raped’), and many other things.
Whilst to many, using the word rape in this context is normal and un-noteworthy, many others–myself included-think it’s upsetting, wrong and trivialises the trauma and experience of survivors. There are so many other words that could be used to put across the same sentiment, so why do so many opt for a word with violent and traumatic connotations?
Rape is a vile, despicable thing–and making light of it is equally vile and despicable. Comparing a rogue Facebook status to an often violent and traumatic attack isn’t just nonsensical, it’s dangerous. When survivors hear the word being used so lightly, they can’t always laugh it off. Sometimes, it triggers a response in them so devastating that their entire day is ruined. No survivor would contemplate using the word rape to describe inconsequential, everyday events–and nobody who cares about survivors should do so either.
It’s unlikely that anyone uses the word rape in these contexts to cause offence or to trigger a reaction in survivors. Over time, people have simply become desensitised to the true meaning of the word and the impact it has.
But for survivors, desensitisation isn’t an option. Turning ‘rape’ into a buzz word minimises the trauma far too many people have been through. As one person I spoke to says: “Words have meanings and sometimes it just isn’t appropriate to use them.”
“Is rape really comparable to having a friend post amusing statuses on your Facebook profile? Is losing a football match as traumatic as sexual assault?”
Of course, language can and does evolve over time. Words change in line with their environments and context–but some words and there for a reason, and that reason shouldn’t be forgotten. Some things, some words, cannot be b*stardised to suit a modern approach to life and speech.
The following stories have been shared with consent:
“I was taken advantage of in the July I was 15 (I would turn 16 in the November) by a 26 year old man. I was desperate for his attention, he was sexy but he knew how old I was. Was that rape? I gave myself willingly after all…”
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“My sister was brutally raped on her 21st birthday. I’m not sure I consider rape a strong enough word for that. Violated? Internally murdered? Destroyed inside? She was drugged, dragged out of a bar pleading for help (that was the last thing she really remembered before she woke up in an alley. She thinks there were four or five of them). Rape doesn’t cover it. She wanted to die. She wanted to scrub her insides out. She went through the whole police process and had her dignity ripped to pieces for the second time in two days.”
Do either of these situations sound comparable to having a friend post amusing statuses on your Facebook profile? Is losing a football match as traumatic as these situations? Is seeing a grotesque picture unexpectedly the same as having your body violated and degraded?
Of course not.
As a society, we need to do more to educate non-survivors about rape, its consequences, and the way that seemingly innocent words, phrases, and images can trigger survivors. We need to teach our children not just how words work and sound and are spelt, but how they have connotations and meanings that can evoke deep, powerful, and traumatic reactions. We need to teach people about the power of all words, and about the importance of context and history.
Maybe then, people will stop using the word rape for anything other than non-consensual sexual acts.
